Thursday, June 28

Week in Review, June 28

Uffa! was about to become The Frog and Turtle (0). Hooters, which was said to offer "more than just a meal," was floundering in the puritanical New England states (1). "They look not very good, but taste... I like it," one line cook said about oysters (2).

"Fishing is good for the soul," said the former president Bush (3). Bush and his son did not catch anything, and bluefin tuna, in short supply, were being replaced with raw horse meat (4). Security at Bush family's Kennebunkport retreat was "beefed up" (4).

A former Maine resident sued over a ceasar salad (5), and a tantrum sparked by apple juice caused a plane to force land (6).

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Monday, June 25


The Bollard, a paper named for a stubby, erect nautical thingy, features reviews by men and interviews about local dudes. OK, meatheads, now flip to the sausage section by "Mort Viande" (liberal translation, "dead meat grinder," who once reviewed Beale Street). Yeah, that's right, big juicy phallus-shaped meat.

His original review (in PDF) has been appendaged online. Along with meats from retail giants Hannaford Brothers, Shaw's and Whole Foods, and local purveyors Pat's Meat Market, Fresh Approach, and Colucci's Hilltop Market, Mort checks out Moran's at 1576 Forest Avenue.

What should be next for the grinder? Breakfast sausage, from Sumner Valley Farm at the Farmers Market on Wednesday in Monument Square. Chorizo, from 30-Acre Farm at the Saturday market in Deering Oaks park. Trajan's Market sausages from the Rosemont Bakery, 559 Brighton Avenue, and kielbasa from Bogusha's Polish Restaurant, 825 Stevens Avenue. And hot doggeries, including those late night weiners on Fore Street.

Mort deserves extra credit for flunking less scholarly schlongs like Shaw's signature sweets and giving cocky ones like Whole Foods' blueberry sausage a passing grade. Mort is dead serious about the unliving. He even collects dead apple wood for smokin' his ground dead pig. Mort also has something necessary, something so many "food critics" lack: criticism.

Mort, vive.

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Thursday, June 21

Week in Review, June 21

Shipyard made orange soda (1), a vegan ate lunch with a carnivore (2), and returning troops were forbidden to eat Whoopie pies at the Bangor airport (3).

"People acually pay to work on a farm?" laughed a Bangor resident about a Freeport farm (4). That farm fronted a feedlot in Northern Maine (5). Not all beef was bad (6).

Fancy cheeses (6) bested fancy toasters (7). Hugo's was the city's only four-star restaurant, and 10 were arrested on public drinking charges. Clam flats were closed (8) and shit continued to plague Freeport (9).

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Wednesday, June 20

Plywood Report

The abierto sign goes on at La Familia, 906 Brighton Avenue, June 30. Cuban pork, sandwiches and other Spanish-style cuisine are planned. No beer and wine.

Binga's Wingas, 40 Portland Street, reopened with some rearrangements.

Bonobo, Pine Street, has a grand opening planned for July 16, according to a sign in the window.

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Greek festival

Holy souvlaki, moussaka and maybe even a Coke.

Holy Trinity Orthodox Greek Church, on the corner of Pleasant and Park Street, hosts its annual festival, beginning June 21 at 11 a.m. Get there early for food. They often sell out. Runs through Saturday June 23.

Friday, June 15


Miyake, on Spring Street, opened last week. Add it to the list of sushi joints outside Japan. But is the sushi good? [Updated: Find out here.]



Light of my life, fire of my loins, my sin, my soul: Bandol + Ladle + Lola

Erik Desjarlais, who once ran Bandol and had plans for expanding Ladle on Exchange Street, is now reporting that he is moving up the Hill to Bar Lola, 100 Congress.That coincides with the departure of some of Lola's kitchen staff, who are taking off to surf and flip bagels at 158. What this means for the year-old Lola remains to be seen.

The precocious young restaurant has been home to exquisite renditions of family favorites: French pomme de terre, Filipino chicken and rice, Pennsylvania braised pork and grit cake. Lola's served overpriced micro-dishes: fish & chip, chickpeas, miniburgers, dinner for two with cocktails for at least a hundred, along with possibly the worst desserts on Munjoy Hill. From plasticy bread pudding to panna cotta that is at once derivative of its upscale cousin Hugo's and trying to be something it is not, which is any good.

What's remained constant is the immense outpouring of lust from the Humbert-like newspapermen glorying its youthful beauty, including Food & Wine. Some speculate that Bar Lola won't make it. Will Bandolita?

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Thursday, June 14

Week in Review, June 14

A woman drank outside (1), surfers drank PBR at the office (2), and drinking prevailed at the White Heart -- some had two (3), some had more (4). Lobster cocktails were said to be en vogue (5) and two men were found drinking in public after yelling at a dog (6).

The Public Market will not house books, and former market vendor Portland Spice will close (7).

Fructooligosaccharide would likely be considered organic (8), astronauts considered farming on Mars (9), and Portland was somehow connected with a guy on vacation watching skinny Hawaiians eating pu-pu (10). Toilet paper and napkins came from trees (11).

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Tuesday, June 12

Agenda, June

6/14. Shipyard Brewing samples Cap't Eli's 1807 Root Beer, at 138 Congress, for the Observatory's 200th birthday Thursday at 12 p.m. Includes cake.

6/15. Gary Hirschberg, who founded Stonyfield Farm (before selling the yogurt compnay to Dannon), comes to Portland's O'Naturals (another place he cofounded), at 83 Exchange Street, Friday at 6 p.m. Includes frozen yogurt.

6/15. Rosemont Bakery, 559 Brighton Avenue, hosts a wine tasting at 7 p.m.

6/21. Ms. Harmon Jenkins, one of the Nancys of Maine, talks about her new southern Italian cookbook "Cucina del Sole" at Rabelais Books, 86 Middle Street, Thursday from 5 p.m to 7 p.m.

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Monday, June 11


G.W. Bush once accepted an endorsement from Canadian Prime Minister Jean Poutine, who turned out to be a fake named for a legendary junk food (perhaps because his name rhymed so well with Vladmir Putin). But, poutine, the merger of molten cheese curd and beef-infused gravy with crispy golden fries is much better than phoney endorsements.

The French canadian classic appears on the Uncle Billy's menu, and is now on the menu at Duckfat, 43 Middle Street. Duckfat also has a new menu. The gravy fries will cost you $6.25, along with the $6 hot dog and the obligatory 5-dollar milkshake ($4).

For those who prefer French fries with cheese and gravy (the literal translation for poutine), Rosie's, 330 Fore Street, and Ruski's, 212 Danforth, also serve them.

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African Grocery

"She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractors sexy"

Music at the African Grocery, 803 Congress St

Thursday, June 7

Weak in Review, June 7

Patrons at Liquid Blue were being choked (1), and Becky's Diner was said to be poisonous (2). “We are finally becoming more sophisticated,” one food writer said (3) . The writer also said hunting season for lobster rolls has begun (3.1),

Potatoes were said to make great rugs (4). Pet food was in short supply (5) but that would not mean crap in any dog's dish (6, see also 6.1).

Diet Coder seen on India Street (7) and a salmon conference was held in Bangor (8), but Whole Foods was still the place to go and review (9). A rare fruit devotee died (10).

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